Half a dozen chemo treatments and kicking butt...

So I completed the 6th treatment yesterday and everything went well. It was another busy day at the clinic so it took nearly 45 minutes to get out of the waiting room, Nurse Jessica had a cold and that's an automatic day off at the Clinc, wouldn't that be nice where you work?!? George took the vitals and I was at 195 lbs, 102 pulse, good blood pressure, and 97% blood oxygen levels. Yep, lost a little more weight but the appetite had been good for the week, but now I have dropped approximately 30 lbs from my peak summer time weight. On Thursday night, Beth made a great dinner and I had to have seconds. Last night, we baked up some salmon fillets, steamed up some veggies and built another cancer fighting salad, topped with one of the few store bought salad dressings I can eat, Lemon and Chive Herb. Since war was going on in my body with the cancer cells taking a beating, I ate a good portion of organic soy ice cream! That kept those varmints eating all that chemo well into the night. My dad, Jim, is in town so he joined us for dinner on Thursday night and I will be visiting with him in Maple Valley today. To get prepared to hang out for the day, I took a Lunesta last night to ward off the insomnia. How was it? I went to bed at 11:30 PM and woke up at 5:30 AM. I could have used an hour or two more of sleep. But much better than Ambien with fewer side effects, especially since a perscription of Ambien would have also cost me $107 as the copay! Thats about twice as much as an equivalent amount of medical marijuana bought on the street! We don't need a war on drugs, we need a war on drug prices! Ok, off the soap box!

Dr. Chen and I talked about the appointment I had with Dr. Olsen earlier in the week. I didn't tell Dr. Chen about the issues I had with Dr. Olsen's demeanor, I just discussed what he had told me and what I want. Dr. Chen was open to my desire to just do the tap and drain of the heart sack, pericardiocentisis, and not have the window installed just yet. I told him I would feel more comfortable with getting it drained sooner than later and keep the procedure and recovery to a minimum. I said I would like to do just this now to give the treatments and healing process more time to do their job to see if my body would respond and reduce the fluid buildup. If the fluid builds up to this level again in the next 2-3 months, then I would be more open to the window installation. I also told Dr. Chen that I am keeping my appointment with Dr. Sytman for a second opinion, and if possible, would like to get it moved up a week if Rebecca could pull some strings. Again, Dr. Chen was very open to this and would see if he could get me into see Dr. Sytman next week. Dr. Chen then examined me and said my lungs sounded good, heart beat strong, the lymph nodes in my neck haven't swelled any and the lymph nodes in my arm pits seemed to have shrunk some. I told him I felt a little achy in my growing and he felt for the lymp nodes there and around my hips. He couldn't find them so they are staying small. The acheness could be from the chemo and meds or the recent lack of good excercise. Dr. Chen informed me he was leaving for China next week for two weeks. He said Dr. Ben Chue is up on my case and will be following up with me during the absence. Dr. Chue is known as a bit of a maverick and radical in the oncology world. I guess he has pushed the envelope in certain areas nearly labeling him a whack, only being redeemed by being proven right and then considered a pioneer. One cancer patient I met yesterday, Clay, is a microbiologist at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. He said he would never get treatment there and came to the Wellness Center due to the reputations of Dr. Chue and Dr. Chen. That kind of endorsement boosted my confidence a little more, but I found Clay to also be a little bit radical! I will be getting to know Clay a little more in the coming weeks, we have the same appointment times, it should be interesting and may add some spice to the blog.

I want to take the time to say thanks to everyone that has been giving great support through cards, emails, comments and phone calls. You have all been very encouraging for me and I could never fully express how much I appreciate your support and love. I feel a lot more energy and love coming in so I know there is a lot of you who are simply reading my story, keeping me in your thoughts and prayers, and giving me some peace by limiting communication and I want you all to know I feel it, I absorb it, and it gives me much more strength than you can imagine. Since overcoming the initial shock of the diagnosis, I have felt no fear, panic, or hopelessness since and I truly feel its your sphere of support that keeps me together and going forward with complete belief and confidence that this is just a mere bump in the road of life. I also want you to know that I don't feel bitter or "why me" with this unfortunate challenge, I see it as a positive point of growth and change that will lead to a better James, a more compassionate James, and a more open James in the end. I am learning a lot about life and myself as I proceed and it only grows and gets better by the day. The higher powers that be may have challenged me with this since I never fully lived up to my full potential in life. Since I was not a smoker, much of a drinker, and lived a modestly healthy lifestyle, to make some sense as to how I am now here, I have recognized my other faults in life and I am taking this time to correct those. Healing oneself is not just limited to physical healing, it involves all the elements of life. What good is it to die if you never fully lived? When I am on my final death bed several years from now, I will look back and enjoy what I have accomplished for myself and for others. No regrets, just pure enjoyment. This challenge now will ensure that enjoyment. I am changing now as we speak, and I am sure thankful for the oppurtunity to recognize and make it so early in life, especially before having children of my own. I now know that I want to be a dad, a damn good dad who will share the love that was shared with me as I grew up. To be a dad, I have to be a husband, a damn good husband, to follow the role model of my step dad among other good men I have had the luxury of knowing. As I have accepted all your love and energy, I now know more than ever that life isn't about what I can get for myself, its what I can give to my future and my family. This is just one of the many blessings of this challenge and I am sure I will be sharing more with you, for years to come....