I had the port catheter installed into my chest Thursday morning at Swedish Hospital. I had to check in at 7 AM and it wasn't easy on me. After a series of paperwork and blood draws, I finally was prepped for surgery. It didn't take long to get into my chest, on the right side. They didn't have to fully knock me out for it, but then again, after getting up so early for this, it would have been nice to get more sleep! After the procedure was done, I was left feeling pretty sore. It didn't hurt per se, it was just one more thing on top of all else that was going on. It aslo had a bit of a psycological impact, here was this instrument of disease treatment that got permanentally installed into me and would stay there until complete recovery or death. I felt like it was my wheelchair or prosthetic limb, but I know that was the self pity thinking. Even though I knew that was negative thinking, it was prominent in my head for most of the day.

Later in the day, I went to the Seattle Cancer Treatment and Wellness Center for a vitamin infusion. This was my first vitamin infusion and it also includes trace elements, all the things a healthy body needs to stay healthy. When doing it by infusion, the body absorbs all of it unlike oral consumption where only up to 80% gets absorb. Unfortunately, I was tired and still drugged from the port catheter surgery so I didn't feel any real effects.

My parents from California helped me through the day and I was grateful for it, I am sure Beth was too since she stayed in bed! I felt a little guilty knowing it was probably a boring day for them waiting at each stop, but I know there was probably no other place they would rather be. Having this disease is not easy on them either so being able to contribute in any positive way that lends to my healing probably has some therapeutic effects. I know waking up in recovery after the port catheter surgery and seeing them there was relief for me. It reinforces my thinking that I am not alone in this battle.

By the time I went to bed that night, I still had that self pity negative crap spinning around my head. Before bed, I stayed in the living room with the lights off and meditated a bit. I focused on pushing out those thoughts and inserting positive thoughts. Really, I was acknowledging that those thoughts were indeed negative and had no place in my healing process, they were unproductive at a minimum and damaging at most. When I got back into bed, I talked to Beth about if for a while and it helped. I told her that it was a long day, I was tired and still drugged and knew that all that lead to the self pity and thoughts. I told her I can do better than that and that no matter how bad the day is, I am alive, I am breathing, and I am with her, thats what mattered. With that, I knew I finally acknowledged an early lesson in my healing process, its great to be alive...